REVIEW: Whitney – NBC (Thursday, 9:30 p.m.)

Sums up this horrible show perfectly.

A hilarious look at modern love, “Whitney” is a new multi-camera comedy series about Whitney (Whitney Cummings, “Chelsea Lately”) and Alex (Chris D’Elia, “Glory Daze”), a happily unmarried couple. Together for five years, the duo is in no rush to get hitched. However, after attending yet another one of their friends’ weddings, Whitney realizes that she and Alex are dangerously close to relationship boredom. Determined not to let that happen, Whitney consults her close circle of opinionated girlfriends — including Lily (Zoe Lister-Jones, “The Other Guys”) and Roxanne (Rhea Seehorn, “The Starter Wife”) — and then snaps into action. A few awkward sexy costumes and one botched seductive evening later, the couple ends up in the emergency room. Even so, Whitney and Alex realize that while their relationship might not be perfect on paper, they really do love each other — and that works for them. – NBC

0 out of 100

Last year we did a review for $#*! My Dad Says and we declared that it may be the worst sitcom of all time.  There is absolutely no doubt that Whitney is a close second.  It is so bad that we want to spend as little time writing about this floating turd as possible so we’re going to just rehash a lot of that $#*! My Dad Says review and not think because, of course, that’s exactly what the writers of this show did.

Hell, we’re going to just give you our preview assessment that we made back in May, to make it even easier:

“Besides the fact that it’s obviously just a typically horrible sitcom using all of the standard clichés, canned laughter and plot-devices, the overall premise is simply offensive.  We don’t normally get excited about the variety of political and social messages that permeate primetime television programming but we have to draw a line here.  Where the Hell do they get off creating a series with the general premise of disparaging and minimizing the value of marriage as if it’s “no big deal.”  We hate to be the ones to break this to the producers, but marriage is far more than “just a piece of paper” and no, unmarried couples living together for five years should not be afforded the same stature in society as married couples.  Regardless of this, though, it seriously looks almost as bad as $#*! My Dad Says.  All of these characters are clones of Friends characters.  Seriously, that guy, Alex… he’s effing Chandler except he looks like he needs a bath and rehab.  The only joke we laughed at in the trailer was when they were role-playing and she gave him the new patient information forms to fill-out and the only reason that we paid attention to that is that we were completely distracted by her ass in the red panties so unless they intend to dress her in those every week, expect this show to die a quick death. Total Fail.”

…And every word of that initial assessment was so spot-on, there’s not a lot more to say. In fact, we aren’t even bothered by the dopey premise that much anymore (that fu*ker Alex actually said, “I love you so much, that I won’t marry you.”  Seriously, there was a writer who thought that was a good idea and a producer that approved it!) because the show was just so bad and forced on so many other levels that the show simply as a sitcom was offensive without the help from the premise.

The jokes are horrible, predictable, clichéd and recycled as are all of the characters.  We can’t let the actors off the hook, either, because their performances are terrible and like Will Sasso and Nicole Sullivan on $#*! My Dad Says, they should all be banned from television for five years because of this. There was literally nothing funny that happened at all during the pilot. We wanted to stop it ten minutes into it but knew we had a duty to our readers to stick it out. The only reason that live studio audience was laughing was because they were just happy to see the filming of a new show and, again, like the $#*! My Dad Says audience, there is no question at all that they were held at gunpoint.

One final note: do the networks and the producers of these shows have that little regard for their audiences?  They can’t possibly think this garbage is funny so why do they think that we would?  Seriously, is it because of crap like Two and a Half Men  and  Mike & Molly that the networks think we are all completely brain-dead?  That, to us is even more offensive than this horrible waste of 30 minutes.  Thank God, we DVR’d it and only had to go through about 22 of those because every second counted in ending that misery.


This show is puke-in-your-mouth awful achieving the $#*! My Dad Says Standard of Suckitude©. You can watch full episodes of Whitney, here, but we wouldn’t recommend it, in fact we’d recommend punching yourself in the face repeatedly as a far more enjoyable alternative.

5 comments on “REVIEW: Whitney – NBC (Thursday, 9:30 p.m.)

  1. Funny…I actually shot a text to my friend lastnight after watching “Whitney” that said “I’m glad I skipped dinner tonight because otherwise my puking in my own mouth could’ve been much worse.” One of the first things uttered between me and my friend who were watching the show was “when the hell did we teleport back to the early ’90s???” And the last time I checked, we hadn’t but “Whitney” had just that kind of hackneyed, one-liner, “Our-audience-must-be-either-retarded-or-on-life-support” kind of humor that I thought we, as a society, had evolved past! And of course, the delivery by these “actors” made matters much worse. The guy who plays Whitney’s boyfriend (whose name I won’t even bother looking up) would deliver a line and then form this wry, self-satisfied smile that made me think that he really and truly believed that each line delivered was the equivalent to the advent of fire. I could go on, and on, and ON about the utter failure of this show but I’ve got more important things to do: I’ve got to go take a shit.

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